Diary Of A Wimpy Smell-The 10th Life Of A Cat

I've been house-sitting a cat. His name is Blue. He is about 30 human years old. Ok, maybe not quite that old, but he is REALLY old. He is obviously beyond the nine lives he was originally given at the Friskies Buffet Birthing Center. And to be honest, I've really been garage-sitting him, as in his elder years, his propensity - or shall I call it "propensipee" - to make foul deposits in any house he lives in or visits necessitates an area that requires an endorsement deal with Febreeze.

Sadly, about two weeks ago, Blue disappeared. Trying to pinpoint a time has been though, though some friends had come over on that day and were getting something out of the garage when quite possibly Blue took a powder. My friends really can't imagine Blue, not exact as stealty as a Cat Burgler, would have slipped the surly bonds of the garage in the limited time they were in there. That left only one likely answer. (Gulp!) Blue had perhaps not only slipped the surly bonds of the garage, but the surly bonds of earth as well.

Well, we searched everywhere...or at least we though we did. While there are typically many nooks and crannies in a garage, we knew the possibility that Blue may have been extra tricky in finding his exit portal. That is why when we entered the garage in the beginning of week two of BlueSearch 2012, we were not totally surprised at the ungodly odor wafting about. Colby and I agreed later that after baseball practice, we would have to double our search efforts and put fresh batteries in the flashlight. But when we got into my Saab and headed out, it seemed the smell was traveling WITH us. :-( Immediately I thought the worst. I had heard of animals seeking out a warm engine block to cuddle up with. When we returned home, we parked outside of the garage and entered by foot to see if the smell was still in the large space. It was nowhere to be smelled. I therefore lifted the hood of the car to see if the mystery would sadly be solved with a glance. IT WAS NOT. Soooo, I made plans to go see my friendly Saab service guy so he could put the car on a lift and check out the whole picture, because THE SMELL was worse than the time I left a pound of frozen shrimp in the back of my Eagle Talon the year I moved here! Well wouldn't you know...I helped look myself, and there was no cat where the engine's at!

While truly relieved, the plot was now significantly thick. I drove back home to remove every item from the trunk, under the seats, inside the well where the convertible roof goes when I really need to air things out (and I REALLY NEEDED TO AIR THINGS OUT!)...and no sign of the ancient Catfucius. Some of the things I removed, including my computer backpack, I took into my house. I needed to work on my computer, so there in the living room, I withdrew it from the leather pouch. Within a few minutes, I started smelling traces of that stench! I picked up my backpack and started sniffing...and there it was! No, the cat had not gotten into the bag! It wasn't the cat at all! There in a side pocket, was a Polly-O cheese stick. How old was it? I had to have put it there months ago as a snack! And now, rancid and decaying, the plastic sheath separating it from the world in which we live and breath had been BREACHED! I plunged my hand into the pocket and pulled out the vile cylinder just to be sure it was the culprit. JUST TO BE SURE??? My fatal flaw was touching it without the protection of latex gloves. Having become a fan of one of Colby's favorite books, "Diary Of A Wimpy Kid" I was quite aware of the mistake I had made.

I had THE CHEESE TOUCH! And not only that, my living room was now in need of the coveted Frebreeze endorsement! It took days for the freshness to return to the room, heck, for the whole downstairs for that matter. And no matter what I used to sterilize my hands, the Cheese Touch would not relent. I even tried grinding the smell from my hands with a bar of Lava soap. Finally after a whole week, and an entire canister of Axe body spray, I feel cheese-free.

As for Blue? Sadly that part of the mystery remains, though my heart tells me he safely made it over the Rainbow Bridge. But if he is enjoying his 10th life at the neighbor's house, it is likely because he found something more tasty than Friskies Buffet.

Have a great week my friends, and remember you can get all kinds of odd Bobservations in life when you follow me on Twitter @TheGameWorden. Thanks for turning your knob...to Bob!

Your morning pal,

Eric